Flashback Friday: The White Tights Trend

What. The. Hell.

This photo of my sister and I was taken sometime in 1987. Judging from my Pac-Man polka-dots and Deanna’s drop-waisted mid-thigh bow dress, I’m guessing this was Easter Sunday. We are both sporting horrendous opaque tights in chalky white. And we’re thinking to ourselves, “Damn! We look good! Let’s go to church!”

Apparently this “whitie tighties” trend became popular somewhere in the mid-to-late 1980s. My online research failed to pinpoint the actual originator of the trend, but I’m pretty sure this look worn by Princess Diana could have started it all. The photo on the right is from a 1986 Harper’s Bazaar spread, when the equally offensive “prairie” look was in full effect. In 1988, the movie Heathers came out and white-out legs were everywhere.

 

   

Recently, I found this photo of my best friend Missy and I in high school at the state drama competition. There I am, rocking those whitie tighties, along with some epic eighties hair. The look must have worked, because we won the drama competition. And I’m proud to say that to this day, Missy is still my BFF. She’s stuck by me through many years of bad fashion choices (and bad boyfriend choices, too.)

James Dean is wondering what’s up with those white tights. And that hair.

Obviously, we all grew out of this trend, thank god. I don’t think I’ve worn a pair of pantyhose since I moved to New York in 2000. Growing up in the south, wearing a dress or skirt without pantyhose was a high-level offense in the same category as not sending out a proper thank-you card. It would drive my poor Mom insane to see my bare legs and she would constantly state that it was not “proper” for a Southern lady to go without pantyhose.

I will admit, however, that as a New Yorker, I wear black opaque tights religiously during the fall and winter months. They’re one of those fashion items I tend to buy in bulk. (I really should own stock in Spanx. I cannot tell you how many pairs of their tight-end tights I own.)

All fashion trends tend to recycle themselves, and I’m certain that whitie tighties will resurface. But I won’t be hopping on that bandwagon again. That’s a trend I can’t win.

Check out my 80s Trends Board on Pinterest to see more of what inspired my bad fashion choices.

 

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Flashback Friday: The Jaws Incident

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Hey, check out my natural hair color!

My mom never forgave me this photo.

Yes, I knew it was school photo day. And no, I didn’t tell her because I wanted to wear my Jaws t-shirt and I knew she wouldn’t let me. I was a style rebel even back then. I knew all the other girls would be dressed in frilly little dresses, but I wanted to be different.

I was a bit disappointed with the whole Liberty Bell theme though. I remember asking the photographer if they could move “that stupid bell thing” so people could see the whole shark. I am certain that he laughed at me.

I went to see the original Jaws movies when it opened with my two older sisters. I can remember sitting in the theater with my feet up in the chair because I was convinced that the doors were going to open and ocean water was suddenly going to pour in. Ocean water containing a shark that was going to bite me.

I can also remember crying when they killed Jaws. At the time, I had no idea that the shark was fake. I kept asking “Why can’t they just dump a bunch of fish food in the deep water where it swims so it will not eat people?”

Yep. Young. Innocent. And not so fashionable.

If you haven’t seen the original Jaws, do yourself a favor and watch it. Spoiler alert. The shark dies. And I cry.

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Look! I loved my Jaws shirt so much that I found a modern day version.

Forever 21 Shark Sweatshirt

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Flashback Friday: The Time I Had THIS Haircut

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I don’t even remember what year this school photo was taken. It was obviously in the 80’s. Probably between the time I was growing out my “Princess Diana” haircut and the time that long, poofy big hair became the thing.

Look how absolutely fried my hair was. I’m sure it was the result of bleaching, blow drying, and the curling iron. I cannot believe how much time and effort I used to spend every morning to create this horrific look. I’d kill to get that time back.

What I don’t want back is my old nose. Or my old teeth. But damn I wish I still had my old eyebrows.

At least I was starting to learn to use makeup the right way. Although a bit heavy, I do like the colors I’m wearing. Especially the lipstick.  I also like the red sweater and the twist-a-bead necklace. Remember those?

The funny thing about my hair in this photo is that it’s about the same length it is now. I wonder if sometime in the future I’ll look back on all my Instagram selfies with my current hairstyle and think I looked atrocious.

Probably.

 

Check out my Pinterest 80’s Board to see where I got some of my inspiration back in the day.

 

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Flashback Fridays: The 80’s and Blue Eyeshadow

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This photo of my sister and me was taken at The University of Alabama’s 1988 Homecoming Game.

Growing up in the South, college football was a big deal. Although I never really cared about the actual sport (I did not get the college football gene), I did like the tradition of dressing up to go to homecoming. And I REALLY liked going to college frat parties with my sister when I was seriously underaged. (Sorry, Mom.)

There is just so much wrong with this photo. And let’s just state for the record that my hair will always be wrong in every photo I post from the 80’s.

Who dresses like this for a college football game? Today, if I were to go to a Jets or Giants game, I’d probably wear a pair of jeans, boots and a sweater.  Certainly not a red sweater dress with a sequin bow.

And look at all that makeup. Geez. That blue eyeshadow.

I got into the habit of wearing blue eyeshadow in the 80’s because I was a majorette in the marching band and we had to wear it for football games and other performances. It was part of our overall look. You know. Very “beauty pageant.” Very “Tammy-Faye.”

Why I decided to wear this look in the light of day to an afternoon football game is beyond me. But with my pasty pale skin, red dress and electric blue eyeshadow, I have to say I looked pretty damn patriotic.

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More blue eyeshadow fabulousness from the 80’s:

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Check out my Pinterest 80’s Board to see where I got some of my inspiration back in the day.

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Flashback Fridays: The 80’s and Leg Warmers

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No, your eyes are not deceiving you. Those are indeed sequin leg warmers I’m wearing in this photo. They match the sequin cummerbund belt and the sequin arm bands. How about those lovely white jazz shoes? And we won’t even talk about the hair. (My bad hair history will be a recurring theme in the Flashback Friday series.)

This was my college danceline costume. The dancers were called “The Southern Belles” and we performed at college basketball games. Yep, I was sort of like an L.A. Laker girl. And by L.A., I mean Lower Alabama.

To be honest, this look wasn’t totally my fault. It was a costume obviously. I didn’t pick it out. There was an even worse one the year before that consisted of a red unitard. A unitard. Seriously. I do, however, have to fess up to the fact that I had several pairs of leg warmers in the 80’s. Unfortunately, (or perhaps, very fortunately for me), I couldn’t find any other photos of me wearing said leg warmers besides this one.

I blame this whole trend on Jennifer Beals and Flashdance. Sure, they looked great on her, with her super-long dancer legs. And while I may have been a dancer back in the day, I never had dancer legs. I had the same short stubby little legs I have today. And wearing a band of bunched up fabric around my calves just made them look even shorter and stubbier. What the hell was I thinking? I was a maniac to ever wear those things. (See what I did there?)

Did you ever wear leg warmers? What fashion or beauty faux pas from your past still haunts you? Feel free to share!

Check out my Pinterest 80’s Board to see where I got some of my inspiration back in the day.

 

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Flashback Friday: The Poofy Bang Swoop

 

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Yes, that’s me. With my original nose and my very bad hair.

This photo was taken in 1991. I was attending the University of Alabama at Birmingham where I majored in theatre. And my bangs should have won a theatrical award for most dramatic performance.

To get this look, I would put an extraordinary amount of mousse in my hair, blow-dry with a round brush, and then tease. And tease. And tease. Then swoop. Part to one side, channel Farrah Fawcett, and spray the living hell out of it.

My hair was so incredibly damaged back then. Look how dry and thin the ends are. One of the reasons I wear my hair so short now is because I tortured it so much back in the 80’s and 90’s. With the bleaching and teasing, and OMG – I even had a perm at one time. (I’ll see if I can find some of THOSE photos!)

When I try to grow my hair out now, the ends start splitting and thinning and I’m reminded of photos like this, which causes me to say “Oh hell no!” Then I chop it all off. (Which I did this week. Literally, I cut my hair…myself. For the first time ever. I cut my own hair.)

Okay, so aside from the really bad hair going on in this picture, let’s talk about how much makeup I was wearing. Entirely way too much blush. And although I like the color of that lipstick, it’s very apparent that I had not yet learned how to use a lip pencil to even out my top lip in order to make it proportionate to my ginormous bottom lip. How ’bout those black eyebrows? Yes, a fair-skinned, bleached blonde definitely needs black eyebrows. Ugh.

Speaking of eyebrows, the only thing I love about this photo now is how thick my brows were at the time. This was shortly before the “micro-thin” brow trend came around, which of course, I participated in. (My eyebrows have never been the same since. See my blog post on that subject here.)

And finally, I used to be so incredibly self-conscious about that big chicken-pox scar on my forehead. But thanks to the wonders of microdermabrasion and chemical peels, that sucker is a thing of the past. Just like  those incredibly awful bangs.

What fashion or beauty faux pas from your past still haunts you? Feel free to share!

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