The Naughty List

Santa baby?

There are a few items on my wish list this year that are so outlandish, they’re just plain “naughty.”

Even if I had been a saint all year long (I wasn’t), there’s probably not a magical snowball’s chance in hell that these things will show up under my tree Christmas morning.

But tis the season for dreaming, right? A girl can always dream. So here it is, my “naughty list.”

1. A Net-A-Porter “shoe of the month subscription” – for a brief moment, my favorite online shopping site was actually offering a monthly shoe subscription. Not sure what happened to the offer, but I would be happy just to receive a new pair of stilettos each month from Net-A-Porter. Sorry Cousin Eddie, but this beats the shitter’s full out of the “jelly of the month” club and would definitely be the gift that keeps on giving.

2. Christian Louboutin Torero Pumps – They haven’t even hit the stores yet, and I’m sure they’ll cost more than a thousand bucks, but if I were to get Item #1 on my naughty list, then I would hope that these exquisite beauties would be the first to arrive as part of my monthly shoe delivery.

3. Chanel Ultra Ring – I’ve had this particular item on my accessories “wish board” for the last three years. Maybe if I stopped buying so many shoes and actually saved my money, I could invest in this “ultra” beautiful and classic ring. I could also sell one of my kidneys.

4. An Hermes Birkin bag – What girl doesn’t dream of the day she will own an authentic Birkin? Given the fact that you have to get on a wait list for years just to order one, most of us would settle for a pre-owned bundle of Birkin joy. Head to the online shopping site Portero Luxury and you can purchase a used Pink Crocodile Limited Edition Birkin for $124,750.00. Yes, I said “used.” And yes, I said one hundred twenty four thousand seven hundred and fifty dollars.

5. A bathtub fit for a shoe queen – If you’ve followed my blog at all, I really don’t have to explain why I NEED this. As a matter of fact, if I bust down one of the walls in my current dressing room (that used to be a guest room), I could utilize the OTHER guest room to make room for this. What the hell? Nobody ever visits me anyway. I can literally grow into the old woman who died in her shoe (tub).

Tell me, what’s on your “naughty list” this year?

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